Most of us don’t like uncertainty. And, we whine when it comes around. I know that I do.
I get all nervous. I feel uncomfortable. I feel an emotional pain. The name for that particular kind of emotional pain is insecurity. And, it sucks.
For most of my life, that was my MO. It still happens sometimes. I start with uncertainty.
I don’t know if someone likes me back.
I don’t know if I’ll have enough $.
I don’t know if I’ll be happy.
There’s always uncertainty so I always have something to work with.
Then, I imagine all sorts of things that could go bad. And, before you know it, I have that insecure feeling. It is not pleasant. You probably know just what I mean. It’s 100% human.
Sometimes, though, I experience uncertainty in a whole different way.
Sometimes, when I don’t know what’s coming next, I fill up with curiosity. I get focused. Uncertainty seems to pull me right into the zone. My mind expands. My eyes open. I come alive. You probably know just what I mean here, too. It’s also 100% human.
Isn’t this crazy? Same stimulus (I don’t know something) and different, TOTALLY DIFFERENT, experiences. Sometimes I ride uncertainty into insecurity. Sometimes it takes me into the zone.
Question: What makes me have such different experiences?
Answer: It’s the way I think about the uncertainty. Sometimes.
When I think in a negative way, I feel insecure. When I think in a positive way, I fill with life.
How do I make sure I think positive, not negative, when uncertainty rises in my mind?
Answer: I can’t. I can’t control how I think. But there is something that really helps. It influences my thinking. I UNDERSTAND.
I UNDERSTAND that uncertainty is ALWAYS part of my life. I UNDERSTAND that what makes for insecurity is my thinking, not uncertainty. I UNDERSTAND that while uncertainty is always available, my thinking can and does change all the time, so I know insecurity won’t last. Often, when I call up that understanding, when I remember that, the insecurity just goes away. It’s a little magical moment of grace.
At other times, even though I call to mind my understanding, the insecurity doesn’t go away. That moment of grace doesn’t happen. Still, understanding that the cause of that feeling of insecurity is inside me, not the ever present uncertainty which is outside of me, always seems to ease the discomfort some.
(This is a level one essay. When we go a little deeper, we find that insecurity is also good. Stay tuned!)
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